zessa

There must be something about summer that sends me into a philosophical mood, because tonight is the religion night.

Just what the hell do I believe... the short answer is "In God" but of course as in most things that matter, the short answer gets you nowhere.

So I know I believe in God, a God. I don't think, however, that God's up there looking over my shoulder and making a tick against me every time I cuss or think evil thoughts about someone. I don't even know if I believe fully in the concept of Jesus' resurrection. The whole concept is just so out there that it's hard for me to believe.

I was raised in the Christian church, know the lords prayer and sing in choir almost every other Sunday at least. Actually I've been raised in 3 different types of Christian faith. UCC Congregational, Greek Orthodox, and Presbyterian, kinda a fun weird mix huh? I find that I have a different view on many religious things because I've had 3 different views and I was forced to make them all work in my mind.

So what, am I a bad Christian because I doubt Christ's existence? I don't know. If you take the definition of "Christian" as someone who believes in Christ's teaching and being a good person then NO. But if you define "Christian" as believing that Christ died for our sins and was resurrected then YES, I am a bad Christian.

For some reason the whole image of God as my Sheppard gives me the creeps... now hear me out. A Shepard herds Sheep, so we're sheep, sheep follow blindly, they don't think for themselves and eventually they end up either shaven (cold and naked) or cooked with a little olive oil and original (and very good but that's beside the point). Both eventualities creep me out, so were either gonna get poor and naked, or dead.

Well we're all going to end up dead but that's beside the point.

Ok now I'm off topic, the whole reason I started this was because lately I've been contemplating the concept of being saved. My first reaction to this is "Saved? From what? Ourselves?" I've never had a really divine experience and I don't expect to have one. The concept of going along your own way and then *bam* outta the sky "I HAVE BEEN SAVED!" is just so foreign to me.

If God is all forgiving, why would God save some and not others as some people claim? Unfortunately I've noticed a correlation between those people and bigotry, not necessary racism but anyone not "saved" gets hounded and belittled and told to get saved until they do.

There was one girl at my dorm, she shall remain nameless, but her experience with the "saved" was so un-Christian I found myself gagging at the thought.

She went to a little private Christian school, where she was asked right off the bat, "have you been saved?" Well, she said no. The kids proceeded to hound her, "are you saved?" or "have you been saved today?" They asked her that everyday, she was forced to memorize random bible verses and repeated them back work for word or fail her test. That might not sound so bad but she was expected to memorize the entire bible and then be able to do any verse the brother wanted.

One of the brothers hounded her so badly that she finally made up a saved experience just to get all of them off her back. She got up in front of the whole school and lied. Later she found out that one of the brothers that had been acting hinky was actually a child molester.

That's just... not holy, what part of the bible says that unbelievers or doubters need to be beaten into submission until they believe your way?

It's tales of experiences like that that leave a sour taste in my mouth.

Yet, I've witnessed people performing wonderful selfless acts in the name of religion.

So essentially, I am royally screwed. Yup, I just did an entire philosophical post to say that I don't know....

It's official Philosophy sucks...